My brain says no but my pants say off.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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