I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
