remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
