He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
