wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
