that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
