he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
