Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
