Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
