woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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