You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
