I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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