so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
