the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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