I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
