Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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