when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
