accomplished twins. life is a go
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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