Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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