How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
