How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I skipped work to stalk him.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
