last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
