I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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