i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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