Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
