he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
