I got chris browned last night
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
