Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
