I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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