i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
