Three words: puerto rican gang bang
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
