just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
