New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
