someone threw a dead crab at me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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