I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
