So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
