I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
