why didn't you poke me back
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Come on in and take your pants off
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