We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
