Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
