The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
