Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
