I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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