he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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