Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
