so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
