Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
