neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
