I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize