Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Can you bring me the toilet please
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
