also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think people are normalizing furries
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
