I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Randomize
